On the list? A bed bunker, crotch armor and, of course, tactical bacon.
If the Mayans are correct, doomsday is scheduled for Dec. 21, 2012. That gives you less than two years to get ready. Good thing I’ve gathered many of the tools and equipment you will need to survive, right here in this list.
Sure, rational human beings might disregard this as nonsense — but it never hurts to cover your bases. I mean, if George Lucas believes it could happen, it stands to reason that he already has a gased-up Millennium Falcon in his backyard, ready to blast him off to another galaxy. The question is, how will you prepare?
1. BED BUNKER
In a post-apocalyptic world, you’ll want to keep a weapon at arm’s length at all times to fend off scavengers and thieves. People laughed when you bought a 1,300-pound BedBunker with two 140-pound, 1/4-inch-thick, 10-gauge steel doors. People got a little scared and called you a paranoid maniac when you filled that BedBunker with enough weapons to outfit an entire army — but who’s laughing now?
$2,200-$4,200 — BedBunker
2. BLAST BOXERS
If you are a guy who can only afford one piece of body armor to protect your body from gunfire and explosions, make it these Blast Boxers. A pair is stuffed with enough Kevlar to protect what’s really important — plus it’s comfortable and odor resistant thanks to Aramid fabric and a breathable mesh. It may be worth noting that it’s probably a good idea to wear these while sleeping on top of your BedBunker, just in case any of the explosive devices you have stuffed in there go off in the middle of the night. Sure, the rest of your body will probably be vaporized, but the groin will remain in mint condition.
Pricing Not Available — Blast Boxers
3. GIANT SWISS ARMY KNIFE
A good knife and a nice set of tools are what a survivor can really use when faced with the collapse of civilization, which is why you’ll want this oversized Wenger Swiss Army knife. It holds the Guinness record for most multifunctional pen-knife, thanks to its 87-tool capacity. Seriously, if MacGyver was the last man standing, he could use this to build a rocketship to Earth-like planets in other solar systems.
$995 — via Amazon.com
4. BIO-LITE CAMP STOVE
You are going to need a way to cook your meals without modern appliances. This BioLite stove not only uses wood for fuel, it also has the added benefit of a thermoelectric generator that will turn the heat from the flame into electricity that can be transferred to your portable gadgets via a USB port. That’s perfect for small radios, GPS units or the iPod you filled with songs from Glee, just before you realized that it would be the only music you would listen to for the rest of your life.
5. TACTICAL BACON
Now that you have a means of cooking your food quickly, you are going to need to stock up on non-perishable food items like this “tactical” canned bacon. It lasts for 10 years in the can and holds up to 18 servings. Let’s face it, if most of us were given a choice to bring just one type of food along into the post-apocalyptic living hell that will be Earth, bacon would probably be it.
$15.99 — ThinkGeek via Nerd Approved
6. MUSCUBAG WEARABLE SLEEPING BAG
Needless to say, a wearable sleeping bag might come in handy on those cold nights spent huddled in a bomb shelter or boarded up in an abandoned house on the outskirts of town. It keeps you warm and mobile — and it’s thick enough to put a little distance between your flesh and the infectious bite of a zombie.
$140 — Lippiselkbag
7. SOULAR POWERS BACKBACK
Obviously, a bag of some sort will come in handy while wandering the barren landscape looking for a community of survivors willing to take you in. The Soular Powers line of backpacks is a little more practical than most because it uses a solar panel to collect energy that can be transferred to your portable gadgets. Of course, it won’t be of much use in a nuclear winter scenario that blots out the sun.
$119 — Scratch Tracks via Fashionably Geek
8. LIFESAVER JERRYCAN
Access to potable water is going to be the single most important factor in your ability to survive. The Lifesaver jerrycan can hold 5 gallons of water after treating it with a filtration system that removes bacteria, viruses, cysts, parasites, fungi and other pathogens — and it can process more than 5,000 gallons of water during its lifecycle. There’s even a handheld bottle version for added portability. Just steer clear of any green water that’s glowing. I’m not sure if the Lifesaver is equipped to handle nuclear waste.
$150 to $400 — Lifesaver
9. GORILLA TORCH BLADE
A flashlight is another one of those indispensable tools that no survivor can do without. However, the GorillaTorch Blade goes above and beyond traditional flashlights thanks to bendable, wrapable legs with magnetic feet that allow you to get hands-free light where you need it most. Plus it can be recharged via USB (something you can handle thanks to your BioLite stove and Soular Powers backpack). Hands-free is always good — especially since you’ll need both arms to fight off mutants and zombies.
$59.95 — Joby
10. KNIGHT XV ARMORED SUV
Anyone who has seen the Mad Max series knows that you are going to need a capable vehicle to survive in an inhospitable wasteland. The Knight XV is certainly more capable than most in this scenario with features like a 6.8-liter, bio-fuel powered, 400-horsepower V-10 engine, a fully armored exterior and undercarriage, ballistic glass, built-in oxygen survival kit and an onboard black box system. Plus, the interior is more plush than most high-end luxury cars — just because it’s the end of civilization doesn’t mean you can’t be civilized. Of course, it probably doesn’t do very well on fuel economy, so if gasoline is hard to come by, it may just end up being a bomb shelter. One that costs upward of $400,000.
— Conquest Vehicles via Nerd Approved